Post Sunday September 13 2009

2 Samuel 14:28 “And Absalom dwelt two full years in Jerusalem, but did not see the king's face.”

Luke 15:20 "And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him.”

Yesterday we kicked off our new series “Handle with Care” by focusing in on the struggle that many parents have raising either “experience rich” children or “relationally rich” children (If you missed the message go to www.newheightshaverhill.com to listen to the message. To get an even deeper idea of the relational vs. experience rich life and how 252 Vertical (our children’s ministry) operates you can go to the 252 Basics Website and research what Pastor Reggie Joiner communicates).

Our role in raising relationally rich children was based on three questions that we need to use as a grid to put our thinking through.

1. What am I doing to ADVANCE my child’s relationship with God?
2. What am I doing to ENHANCE my child’s relationship with me (Mom or Dad)?
3. What am I doing to INFLUENCE my child’s relationships with people outside the home (friends, etc.)?

One of the areas we discussed in enhancing our child’s relationship with us was based on Ephesians 6:4 “And now a word to you fathers. Don't make your children angry by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord.”

That verse can be frustrating when we are struggling with our children. It probably seems as if we make our children angry with anything we say or do at certain times and we wonder if we should just give them anything they want. Read 2 Samuel 13 – 19 about Absalom the son and King David his dad. I warn you in advance that what you will read will probably downright shock you and you’ll wonder if this was an episode on some daytime Soap Opera. Most of what you read will not be pretty. Not a good time in the life of King David’s family.

The opening verse of this Post Sunday is one of the black marks on David’s resume. His son who was now back home had to wait two years before his dad would see him again. Absalom murdered his half-brother Amnon as payment for Amnon’s crime against Absalom’s sister (I know this sounds incredibly strange, you’ll have to read it for yourself!) an act he felt fully justified in doing and an act that he probably felt his dad should have carried out. Absalom fled in order to ensure that he would not be punished or worse; David never sought him and then David had to be convinced by others to have Absalom brought back. When he did get back, David made him wait two years to see him. David used his position as King to bully and intimidate his own son. This backfired.

This would be an example of making your children angry by the way you treat them. Yes, I know we are dealing with murder, but let’s remember those were different times, but the fact is David instead of running to his son when he returned (see Luke 15:11-32, Parable of the Prodigal Son) he tried to run a power play on him. Maybe David thought that by keeping his son at arm’s length, his son would feel bad and unworthy and come crawling back to his dad for mercy and forgiveness? Is this the way God loves us? By power playing us and will not call out to us to come to Him until we are ready to crawl to Him?

Some pieces and parts of our relationship with our older children need healing before we will be able to influence them in a positive manner. Can you imagine Absalom’s conversations about his dad over that two year period? His friends would ask him: “Hey, did you talk to your Dad yet?” Absalom would respond: “No, he refuses to see me, I’m here at home, but he refuses to see me…” I’m sure you can fill in the dots of what Absalom would then go on to say.

Our children are talking about us now and will still be talking about us when they are adults. How do I know that? Because I’ve talked with a majority of you about my parents and you have told me about yours. Regardless if you are 20, 30, 40, 50 or 60 you have told me about your parents. You tell me what they do, what they don’t do, what they did and how they acted toward you, whether good or bad. Our parents whether fully present, partially present or totally absent make and have made a huge impression on our lives. What will your children be saying about you when they are 40? How will your influence on them now be impacting them when they are 40?

David was an incredible man, he really was, God thought he was. David did make mistakes though. Locking his son out purposely for 2 years was one of those mistakes. Can you imagine if instead he ran to his son like the father of the prodigal son? How would that have changed Absalom’s discussions about his dad? Would it have changed the course of Absalom’s life? Are there any areas that you are withholding from your child because of your own anger or disappointment? What if you released some of your anger and disappointment and instead ran to them in forgiveness? Would it make today better? Maybe not, but it just may change the course of your child’s future.

Influencing our children will rarely be done by us exhibiting our strength or superior intellect over them, but rather will be done by forgiveness, mercy and grace. Should we establish boundaries after their return, absolutely, we would be foolish not to set up boundaries. But how are we to influence our children when we aren’t open to receive them as they are? Be quick to open the door for healing, be quick to open the door for forgiveness and be quick to receive them in.

Questions to Ask Yourself:

1. How am I advancing my child’s relationship with God?
2. How am I enhancing my child’s relationship with me?
3. How am I influencing my child’s relationships with those outside the home?

Pastor e